random thoughts #2
Just when I thought I was starting to see the light, I was suddenly faced with the reality that I was nothing but a lost lamb in the herd.
I gained clarity of what was the expected output but then that was just one of the many projects that I will be facing. I was used to a specific daily task that I am having a hard time coping on the fact that my work now would not be definite — will solely depend on what we receive and what output they like. I was also expecting to be trained first before doing live work but that was not the case.
I feel like a kitten suddenly thrown in a pool without even having the chance to learn to walk more to swim. I’ve told a friend of what I was feeling and what she said hit me. Maybe because I have already given up that it is so hard to pick myself up and start anew. She is right. I have given up that is why I am very demotivated. Sleep is not enough to refresh my mind and start new everyday.
It will be almost 6 years since I started living here in Manila and this is the very first time that I sincerely feel that I want to go home for good. I don’t see myself being in this place and in my work anymore. I am willing to give everything up because I am too consumed. I lost myself and I don’t know where to start again.
